Communication…I have A CURE!

What’s up ya’ll!  I want to talk about something that is foreign to most people….COMMUNICATION.  A lot of us have fucked up communication skills.  But why?  Why is communication so hard?  I don’t have an answer but I have learned a few things over the years.  It can be hard to talk about sensitive subjects.  People don’t want to hear what’s wrong with them.  We don’t want to feel some shit that’s not good.  We don’t want to compromise.  We don’t want to be corrected.  We don’t want to change. Most times you get defensive so you forget to actually hear and understand what the person is saying because you are ready to respond.  You are ready defend your honor.  Put they ass in their place cause they got you fucked up!  GUILTY!  That use to be me.  I heard part of what you said now I’m ready to get my point across.  I’m ready to tell you why you are so wrong, so I missed the whole point of the conversation.  One of the main issues in the world is lack of communication.  For me communication has levels.  For me, proper communication is “A.C.U.R.E.” for a lot of pain and misunderstandings.  (Active listening, Comprehending, Understanding, Respect, and Empathy) That doesn’t always happen or it’s one sided.  Then people tend to forget that you can easily agree to disagree.  I don’t have to agree with you and you don’t have to agree me…that’s fine, but we can still respect each others opinions.   

Something else I have learned because I have been guilty of it myself, is that most people don’t want to communicate.  We all have the ability to communicate but we don’t want to, especially if it’s something serious or a sensitive subject.  You don’t want to deal with the feelings attached to the conversation so you avoid the conversation completely.  That’s not helping anybody.  No one wants to talk about how your hurt them, what you did wrong, or how what you did made them feel.  A conversation to suggests change…yea, that shit could go left REAL quick.  That’s another issue with communication…it often suggest change.  No one wants to change because everybody is really comfortable with how they have always done things.  You can’t tell me anything about me, I been doing this my whole life. Well, honey, that doesn’t make it right. It’s okay to listen to what someone is trying to communicate to you.  “A.C.U.R.E.” is always the fix we are looking for, right?  Uncomfortable conversations have to be had!  It’s a must. 

Communication out of feelings can be very dangerous!  I want you to know how I feel and how passionate I am about whatever we are talking about HOWEVER if you try to have a real conversation with someone and they are really pissed or hurt, they can say some very hurtful things because they feel the need to defend themselves and then the whole point of the conversation will be lost.   I know because my mouth is lethal!  I have said some foul shit in the past out of anger and hurt.  What I learned is to NOT communicate when I am in my feelings.  Let me cool off and calm down, then we can talk.  The talk may be tomorrow or next week (depending on the situation) but let me get myself together first.  TRUST…if we do it while I’m PISSED…this will not end well! I will say some shit that I can’t take back and now when dealing with a whole new problem!  My husband didn’t understand this concept initially.  He is one of those “we not going to sleep mad” people.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that if that works for you, but it doesn’t work for me.  So, after he pushed an issue one night, I was like ok you wanna talk, LET’S TALK MF! LOL!!  Then he saw why I said, just let me cool off first.  Pray for us 🙂 If I’m PISSED, PISSED leave me TF alone! For real!  I don’t fight fair!  You push this conversation while I’m in my feelings, fuck A.C.U.R.E. I’m going for blood!  I’m trying to hurt your feelings.  I don’t even care what the real problem is anymore because I’m pissed.  Fuck yo feelings!  You are now the enemy and we are in Mortal Kombat….”FINISH HIM!”  I’m a work in progress (again PRAY FOR ME) but in the meantime and in between time…let me cool off first; then I can effectively communicate. LOL! I want to make sure I hear and understand what you are saying and how you are feeling. I also want to make sure you hear and understand what I’m saying and how I feel. I’m cool with going to bed a little upset because I know I haven’t said anything that I will regret. Once you say some foul shit you can’t take it back.  I’ll still say I love you and be as cordial as I can, but I don’t want to talk at that moment.  Normally, by morning I’m good and we can talk it out.  

Bottom line, we can all do better.  You know how you communicate and you know how you can do better.  If that relationship means anything to you, you can apply A.C.U.R.E. to make sure you are communicating properly.  Do what works for you, but make sure you DO something.  Hell, tell me how you communicate. What works for you?  Maybe you can help me during my process.  LOL! 

A.C.U.R.E.

Active Listening – Make sure you hear not only the words but the message

Comprehending– Process of listening to the words and message and putting it all together

Understanding – Final destination…”I get what you are saying”

Respect – Make sure you not only speak respectfully, but listen respectfully. Listen how you would want someone to listen to you.

Empathy – Consider the feelings of others. Sometimes it’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.

I LOVE Y’ALL. GO BE GREAT ON PURPOSE!