You have the POWER!

What’s up ya’ll?  It’s been a minute…how ya’ll doing?  We all quarantined and shit!  Ya’ll good?Anyway, let’s jump right into this cause I got a lot to say. 

Do you know your own power?  I ask this question because for a long time I was not aware that I had power.   I knew there was something in me, I wasn’t really sure what it was.  Other people would see things and tell me. I would receive it but in my mind I was always like “Who? Me?”    I have had dreams and visions of me accepting and using my power, straight killing it out here in these streets (as my husband would say) but I never took them serious.  I just thought I was daydreaming, no biggie.  But have you ever daydreamed and you could feel and smell certain things.  That shit is different.  And I never understood it until a friend of mine explained some things to me.  Some real deep spiritual things that made everything make sense.  It opened my mind to “a whole new world” (and yes I just sanged that! LOL)  Months after this awakening my friend, or spiritual guru as I like to call them (LOL), reminded me of a movie “The Last Dragon” (CLASSIC!! Right?).  They pointed out how Leroy spent the whole movie searching for the master and he was the master the whole time.  So many of us go through life looking for a “master” when we are our own masters.  We hold the power we need to live our life. It’s up to us to tap into it! If you remember once Leroy recognized and accepted his own power he was beast. Kicking ass, catching bullets, glowing and shit!  In that moment he knew who he was, he accepted who he was and no one could stop him or take that from him.  

Which brings me to another movie I just watched….Captain Marvel.   Let me set the mood….

So, Captain Marvel is something like an avenger.  She wasn’t really an Avenger but she helped them out.  She was actually more powerful than all of the Avengers and that Thanos dude too! (That is not up for debate!) But that power she possesed didn’t come until she believed it and accepted it.  I won’t replay the whole movie but long story short; Carol or Captain Marvel was a pilot for the US Air force.  She went on a mission with her mentor and kinda died in a crash.  I say “kinda” because when the crash happened she absorbed a shit load of energy (power) and this dude from another planet basically kidnapped her (he wanted her power).  While she was under his spell (LOL) he lied to her and told her what he wanted her to believe about her life. (You know kind of how the world do with black folks!)  He convinced her she was who she was because of him.  Skip through all the small talk, she gets a way from dude and learns the truth.  He captures her again and tells her how he is responsible for her powers and if it wasn’t for him she wouldn’t be who she is.  He also reminds her of every failure in her life from childhood to adulthood.  And they weren’t really failures they were more of lessons.  She fell off a bike, fell at the beach, crashed a go kart, fell off the ropes during basic training etc…and each time there was someone there making fun of her and telling her she couldn’t do it and she should quit.  Dude reminded her of all of this, trying to convince her that she can’t do anything..  They had her tied up, he told her he had given her the power and now he was taking it back.  But while she was tied up she was fighting her own mental battle.  Her ego and subconscious were at war.  Literally!  She was fighting the “voices” in her head that told her she was nothing. 

Sidebar:  Well.org defines ego as part of your mind that loves to control you.  It goes on to say that the ego is always living in a state of fear due to its belief that it needs to fight against you for survival and as a result it will lie and deceive you to stay control.  This same website (Well.org) states that the subconscious mind buries most of our emotions, beliefs and impulses.  Cambridge dictionary explains the subconscious mind as the part of the mind that notices and remembers information when you are not actively trying to do so, and influences your behavior even though you do not realize it.  

Back to the movie…Needless to say her subconscious won!  She realized she was powerful on her own!  And each time she fell she got her ass back up stronger than before.  She realized no one gave her that power and no one could control it or take it away.  Ole girl broke out them chains and showed TF out! Kicking ass and taking names and now she could fly!  And just like Bruce Leroy, she was glowing!  See it’s all about that damn glow!!  Once you start glowing…aaaahhhhh shit…IT’S ON!  LOL!!

How does this relate to you?  Let me enlighten you darling or at least explain how it relates to me, maybe we have something in common.   

In life we are taught so many things.  Good things and bad things.  Right things and wrong things.  Things that just don’t make no damn sense at all! In the midst of learning and experiencing life we can lose sight of who we are at our core or never learn who we really are at our core.  Sometimes we can take on other people’s beliefs about who we are OR we let the influence of others dictate how we feel about ourselves.  Remember a lot of people don’t want you to be great! All of this is bullshit and pushes the ego (fear) to forefront of our minds.  I am definitely guilty of all these things.  We all are, whether you realize it or not.  

All your relationships can affect how your view yourself.  Parents, siblings, family, friends, coworkers, all of them.  One of my biggest issues that held me captive for a long time (and I’m still fighting) is my relationship with my mom’s ex husband (aka my dad).  It has been on and off my entire adulthood.  It got to the point I never felt like I did anything right in his eyes.  When things were good they were great but when they are bad they are REALLY bad.  As of today I haven’t spoken to him since November 2018.  Crazy right?  (more on that relationship at another time)  I didn’t realize until later in life how much that relationship affected me and allowed my ego to take over.  Afraid of love, always trying to prove to a man I was good enough, begging to be loved and accepted by all the wrong people, afraid of a good man because that was foreign.   He had to be up to something if he was good, men are not good.  I mean my own daddy don’t fuck with me so why would some regular dude want me? Was I that bad? Your girl was just out here confused, hurt and powerless.  I let my relationship with my dad and other men dictate how I felt about myself.  Combine that with all the other bullshit that comes with life and I didn’t think I was worthy of anything let alone love.  I’m supposed to be hurt.  I’m supposed to be unhappy.  LIES! That’s the mindset of a person in search of themselves and their power. My mom’s ex husband didn’t give me my power so he can’t take it away.  He didn’t give me my joy, so he can’t take it away.  He did everything to break me and I don’t even think he realizes it but I’m finally realizing at 39 who’s really in charge. ME, dammit! I know that power and that glow is there deep inside me! The process of finding and accepting that power is not easy.  It wasn’t easy for Bruce Leroy, Captain Marvel, and that shit ain’t easy in real life either.  You have to sit with yourself.  See and feel your scars.  Hurt.  Accept your good with your bad.  Let that shit burn. Feel it.  Do the work. Then you have to fight for your life!  Pick yourself up and keep fighting.  Fuck all that other bullshit!  You can’t go back and change it but you have total control going forward.  Break through them chains, realize and accept your POWER and GLOW!!!  Don’t be afraid of your power.  Don’t dim your light for others.  Fuck them folks! There is a Bruce Leroy and Captain Marvel in all of us….how bad do you want it??

I love ya’ll!  Go be great on purpose!!

“This little light of mine. I’m gone let it shine.  Let it shine…let it shine….let it shiiiinnnne!”