Do you feel “pretty”?

Couple of weeks ago I was sitting in my living room staring at my plants…FINALLY!! (If you follow me on Instagram then you know the story of how it took 2 days and 13 stores of shopping with my mom to get a few plants LOL). Anyway,I started watching TV and came across this movie called “I Feel Pretty”. It was a cute movie. I fell asleep before the ending (don’t judge me, remember 2 days and 13 stores of shopping, and I hate shopping) BUT the movie said a lot to me! Movies always say a lot to me…if you hadn’t picked up on that yet.  So…let’s briefly recap the little bit I saw:

There was this extremely insecure woman, Renee. She worked for a cosmetic line and like most people in the world she wanted to feel pretty and be accepted in this bullshit ass society. She took a spin class…broke the bike when she sat on it…then left. A few days later she was in a convenient store and ran into one of the super skinny pretty socially accepted women from the spin class. They exchanged hellos and how’s your vagina (you know from her breaking the bike LOL) . While they are talking this guy comes up and starts flirting with the “pretty” one. She turns him down and he leaves. Renee expresses how she always wondered what it would feel like to be “undeniably pretty” and to have a random guy hitting on her in a random place.

That night while watching the movie Big, Renee goes to a fountain in the pouring rain, tosses a coin and makes a wish to be pretty. The next day Renee goes back to spin class. She has moment where the instructor seems to be talking to her and she says “today you’re gonna look in the mirror and you’re gonna see what you’ve always wanted to see” (paraphrased) And then it happened! Not only did she break the damn bike AGAIN but she fell hard and hit her head. Concussion status. So once she wakes up and starts looking at her arms and legs and “abs” she thinks she is 1000% sexy! Nothing has changed physically but mentally she is a whole new person with a shit load of self-confidence thanks the concussion (they never actually said she had a concussion but the way her head hit that bike, her ass should really be dead).  From that moment on, you couldn’t tell her shit! Men would talk to her, normal conversation, but in her mind they were flirting…because who wouldn’t want her, right?

She walked into the corporate building of her job and got a promotion to receptionist (face of the company, kinda. First face people see upon arrival) Of course they were looking at her like she was crazy because “socially” she did not “look” the part, but her confidence convinced them she was perfect for the job.

From there her confidence convinced this dude to take her out. Physically she was NOT his type but her confidence overshadowed that and made him interested. They go on their date and they end up in a bar that is having a bikini contest. Newly sexy Renee wants to join the contest. Of course ole boy tries to talk her out of it because “socially” she is not sexy.  She’s like “oh you think the other guys are gonna be drooling over me” and he’s like “uhh no”! Lol! Remember in her mind, she killing these chicks! Renee turns her outfit into a bikini and joins the contest. She models her newly made bikini and puts on a SHOW! Everybody loves her and her confidence. She doesn’t win the contest but she doesn’t care. Ole boy said he was sorry it didn’t go the way she wanted and Renee was like…”yep it went even better! We get 2 drinks and appetizers on the house” she wasn’t upset because she felt like she did win. She said “I know I look good. I don’t need some room of drunk guys to confirm that.” Ole boy was so impressed he asked if he could be like her when he grows up. I feel him on that! I fell asleep shortly after so that’s all I got. I plan to finish the movie and y’all should watch it too!

Now…let’s talk insecurities. 

According to Google, insecurity is defined as:

¹ uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence

² the state of being open to danger or threat; lack of protection

I love these definitions of insecurity because when you are feeling uncertainty or anxiety about yourself you leave yourself open for danger and threat.  Threat of other people’s opinions which leads to self-doubt, which leads to you looking for validation from people who probably don’t even like themselves, which leads to you being super extra to gain validation to change people’s opinions of you to decrease your self-doubt and raise your confidence. (long ass run on sentence, I know, but I like the way it sounds 🙂 )  All of this leads to a shit storm inside of you.  One person you are always with is you.  So at the end of the day, when all the people are gone, all the phones and laptops and TVs are off, when it’s just you…do you like what’s there?  Do you like you?  Do you accept you, flaws and all?  Or are you fighting a shit storm?

AND why is it that we want other people to like, love, accept, and respect us when we don’t like, love, accept or respect ourselves?  How does that shit work?  We out here looking for other people to make us feel confident and make us feel whole.  That ain’t nobody’s job but your own!!  You are responsible for you!  PERIOD!  Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as hitting your head and being knocked into super human self-confidence like Renee. You my friend, gotta do the work!  And that shit ain’t pretty!  TRUST ME! But the end result is so worth it!

Even though NOTHING about Renee changed physically, she was changed mentally and that affected how she felt about herself physically.  What this movie reminded of is that, the change you need is not from the outside in, it’s from the inside out.  You have to start with your mind. The part of the movie I saw was a visual representation of how being self confident and believing in yourself not only transforms you but it transforms how people view you (even though at the point of self confidence you really don’t give a damn).  Before Renee hit her head, she was so insecure and concerned about what people thought of her she could not fully live and enjoy her life.  She wanted to fit in and be accepted so badly.  She wanted to be “beautiful”.  But the minute she hit her head, her mind changed.  The way she viewed herself changed.  She thought she was the best thing since an Impossible Burger to a vegan ( If you don’t eat meat then you will understand).  There was nothing anyone could do or say to break how she felt about herself.  She was so confident she didn’t even notice the side eyes and the “is that chick crazy” stares.  And let’s be clear, she was in no way cocky…pure confidence. The confidence that makes people want to be around you. Her energy was on point!

Her confidence lead her to love herself and be comfortable with herself.  It closed the door to the dangers and threats of other people’s opinions.  The way she liked, loved and accepted herself MADE others do that same.  Her opinion of herself dictated how they felt about her and how they treated her.  Which is always the case. 

If you are super insecure or dealing with self-doubt, people can read that and some will take advantage.  In your insecurities others can find control.  And it’s easy, because you are not confident in yourself. You are subconsciously open to being manipulated and controlled because you want to be accepted.  You can be manipulated by so many…significant others, coworkers, friends, family, every damn body. 

On the other hand you have to be careful with insecure people! They are the best at hiding and disguising that shit. They may be loud and flashy…remember they need validation. They could be total assholes, all the time, because they are afraid of people getting too close and seeing who they really are, when they don’t even know who they really are (that use to be me). They can play victim A LOT, again for added validation and filling the void of needing someone. Trying needing your damn self! But some people can be loud, flashy and assholes and totally love themselves. LOLOL!! The trickery of it all! 🙂

Another thing we have to accept is that everybody ain’t gone like your ass!  AND THAT IS OKAY!!!  Renee didn’t dwell on who like her and who didn’t…she liked her…THE END!  That’s how we all need to be!  We have to learn to like and love ourselves.  

Metaphorically, we need to hit our head (concussion style) and be knocked into self-confidence.  Realistically, that means, deal with your damn insecurities.  We all have them.  Or maybe ya’ll perfect super humans who don’t have them…I haven’t reached that status. 

I have had to deal with my insecurities and still do every day.  Physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I question and doubt myself so much. It’s ridiculous!  I know what my gut/intuition is telling me but I have moments where I’m not confident enough in my decisions so I decide based on what I think people want me to decide.  That is basically creating your own personal hell!  I have learned how to check myself and I have to work through that insecurity daily, but it’s cool, because even wrong decisions becoming teachable moments!

I don’t have too many physical insecurities anymore.  After 38 years of being with this body I have learned to love all parts of this body!!!  Do I want to improve my body…hell yea!  But that is for me, NO ONE ELSE!  And it’s not due to insecurity, it’s simply because you can always do better.  Growth is inevitable and as you grow parts of you will want to change.  Embrace that shit!

SO!  All I’m trying to say in all these words is….LOVE WHO YOU ARE!  If you’re still trying to figure out who you are, if you’re going through some bullshit, if you are not where you want to be in life…SOOOO WHAT…you can still love yourself where you are…while you grow.  Don’t ever let anyone or anything dictate who the fuck you are!  Be like Renee, after she hit her head, and live your life to the fullest!  No regrets, no apologies, no doubts, no insecurities!  Will life always go right and be easy, HELL NAW!!!  But can you get through, HELL YEA!!!  Why?  Because you believe in you!  You have made it this far, why stop now??

I love you but not as much as you can love yourself!  #GoBeGreat